Draft 3
I would like AI to vacuum, do the dishes, and clean the bathroom so that I can write and make art. I do not want AI to write and make art so that I can vacuum, do dishes and clean bathrooms.
I also want to know who decided that time spent creating art is less valuable than time spent cleaning bathrooms.
Sure, we all love Elf, Home Alone, Love Actually and maybe even Miracle on 34th Street. But there are also lots of movies that can give us that cozy, but wistful, holiday feeling without being so obvious about it.
For me, it generally starts with multi-colored tree lights and maybe a holiday classic jingling quietly in the background. Sure, there might be automatic weapons, explosions, cursing and absolutely no Santa Claus, but does that mean that can’t be “holiday”? After all, family fights are a long-standing holiday tradition too.
Let’s begin with an action film that is at last gaining recognition as a Christmas classic: Die Hard. Yes, it’s set at Christmas time, and NYPD cop, John McClain, generically estranged from his wife, has flown out to Los Angeles, set on a reunion with his now west-coast-based family. It’s Christmas! The kids! Even his suit-wearing, successful, business wife is bound to succumb!
Reunification obstacles intervene, however, in the form of mercenary faux-terrorists, and after about an hour and twenty minutes of breaking glass, lunk-crushing and adorable alliances, the family reunion is in the bag. Santa’s bag, you might say. About 30 people died, including maybe 10 bad guys, but a happy ending at Christmas-time is a happy ending indeed.
Along the same lines, let us consider The Godfather, Part I. While not entirely set during the holidays, the film does feature a few key yuletide scenes. To wit, Don Corleone has been seriously wounded (mafia-related gunshots) just before Christmas, and is being cared for in a dark, sparsely decorated Long Island hospital. Multicolored lights? Check. Tinkling music in the background? Check. Snow on the ground? Check. The ICU is lightly staffed because … plot points. The Don’s Number One Son, Michael, is fortuitously visiting his Dad that night and cottons on to the fact that the rival mafiosi have returned to the hospital to finish the Don off.
With the help of one very nervous nurse (who is already in a shit mood because she’s working nights at Christmas) and “I am Enzo, the Baker,” Michael manages to wheel the Don’s hospital bed to safety. Sure, they saved the life of a murderous gangster, but a happy outcome at Christmas-time is still a happy outcome.
And last, let us consider the ultimate “unconventional” choice, In Bruges. This offbeat dark comedy — or occasionally humorous catalog of violence, depending on your mood — features two failed Irish hitmen – Ray and Ken – who have been exiled to the city of Bruges while their evil boss, Harry, tries to figure out what to do with them. Spoiler alert: it’s not good. Our Dumb and Dumber protagonists are holed up in Bruges during the Christmas season. Ray fookin’ hates Bruges because he’s “not retarded” (debatable). Ken, on the other hand, rather likes the sleepy medieval town.
Yes, another gangster movie that takes place during Christmastime. Something about the juxtaposition of the sacred and the profane. Let’s be clear, there is nobody to like in this movie. They are all horrible. And also monumentally stupid. In Bruges has made me wonder if it’s a more realistic portrayal of so-called organized crime than the Godfather. The characters are incompetent, they’re violent, they’re racist, they’re sexist and every other non-PC thing you can imagine. They repeatedly make the worst decisions possible.
Ray has botched his hitman career by accidentally killing a young boy while in the process of doing a paid hit on a priest. (Yoikes, what’s the story there?) Ken has fouled up by 1) letting Ray do the hit before he was pro-level and 2) not dispatching Ray immediately upon seeing the murdered kid.
Now here’s the dark comedy part. Ray is near-suicidal about the dead kid. But not quite ready to end himself. And, although he knows it’s expected of him, Ken can’t kill Ray because they’re friends. Until he kind of can. So … friends? Meanwhile evil-boss Harry has hopped on over to Bruges to finish the jobs himself, starting with Ken. However, it turns out that Harry can’t kill Ken unless Ken “gives him a reason,” such as trying to fight back. See, Harry has principles. Everyone knows this.
Let us not forget that it is Christmastime in Bruges. There are multicolored lights, carol-singers, lots of homey cafes and amber pints of beer. Our three heroes spend a fair amount of time in bell-towers and churches, but none of it rubs off on them. After a series of spectacularly dumb decisions, they all end up dead — along with a few additional not-very-nice, but technically innocent, victims.
I did learn a few things from In Bruges. First, I would like to visit Bruges — but maybe only for a day or two. Second, I did not know how close the city was to England. You really could hop right on over.
And third, for me, the thing that qualifies a film as a Christmas movie, even more than twinkly lights, is redemption. A la Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. Or It’s a Wonderful Life. Or virtually any Hallmark movie. The main character grows to understand the value of friendship, or family, or community. Their cynicism or despair is banished, and they move forward with hope.
Is there redemption in Die Hard? I say yes. Our estranged couple grasp how much they still love each other and see the value of staying together, even if sacrifices must be made.
Is there redemption in Godfather I ? It’s a little more nuanced than Die Hard, but I still say yes. Michael, who has broken his father’s heart by refusing to join the family business, saves his Dad’s life, ultimately whispering to him “Pop, I’m here”. He has joined with his father, even if he has sacrificed his last scrap of decency to do it.
Is there redemption in In Bruges? The movie toys with us throughout — maybe Ray will truly repent and settle down with a nice girl. Maybe Ken will refuse to kill anyone and open a pub in Bruges. Maybe Harry will decide he really isn’t cut out for the hitman business and let bygones be bygones.
But nope. Nobody repents nothin’ and everybody ends up dead In Bruges. But I guess that’s what makes an independent movie independent. Also, Die Hard and The Godfather were made in the last century, intended for popular consumption and big-deal movie theater releases. By now we’ve seen those two films so many times that the violence and bloodshed isn’t as shocking as it once was. But the gore in In Bruges is hard to watch.
But In Bruges was made in the early 21st century and is twisty, self-aware and full of the contemporary snark that makes redemption unlikely. So it is not, in my opinion, a holiday movie. It is simply set during the season.
No matter when a dystopian future movie is set — 20 years from now, 100 years, 500 years, more — it seems these relics of the 20th century survive:
Rarely do characters in future movies consume food, but when they do, it’s noodles. Am I right?
My thoughts on succession in just a moment. But first I have to go read my “King Lear” Spark Notes.
“Confidence. It’s the food of the wise man, but the liquor of the fool”
– Vikram, from The Office
Collecting data and not doing anything with it is the same as not collecting data. Discuss.
Once led by fearsome warriors who conquered vast lands and ruled for hundreds of years, now a furniture category on Wayfair: The Ottoman Empire. It always seems like an empire will last forever, but it never does.
It is said that the human mind would be pure chaos without language. Language provides structure and solidity to our every thought. It’s strange to imagine that without language, we would have no thoughts. Just raw needs, physical sensations and emotions. We wouldn’t even need a spoken or written language to corral our thoughts, just some sort of symbolic representation of concepts, objects, actions, emotions, memories. Sure, we could find our way to the center of the maze so we could get the cheese — because of pattern recognition. But could we imagine what the cheese would taste like, plan what we would do after our cheese-fest, or tell our friends about our cheese find? Prolly not.
And every time we think we’re coming up with a new word or expression, we’re prolly not. We’re just renaming a concept that’s been around for a long time, or mashing together several previously existing concepts. So take that “lit”, and “salty” and “O.G.” You’re only the latest version of “groovy”, “miffed” and “eminence grise.”
And that’s my final word on the subject.
We all employ vendors, consultants, freelancers. Let’s face it, unless you’re a Fortune 500 company, you have to. And you should employ vendors. They provide expertise you do not have.
But how do you know if your vendors care as much about the result of their work as you do? TBH, they almost never will. In most cases you have agreed to pay them a fixed fee for a deliverable, or an hourly fee for producing a deliverable, and they are going to earn that fee on delivery. Regardless of whether it improves your profitability or not.
If you are a decision maker in a huge organization, or a risk-taking entrepreneur, you may decide to engage a vendor by offering them a piece of the action. If, for example, revenue increases by X percent, the vendor gets a piece of that. And conversely, if revenue falls below X percent, the vendor’s compensation may also be reduced. If they have skin in the game, they will care almost as much as you do.
But such engagements are rare. In an agreed-upon fee arrangement, the main incentive a vendor has to perform well is so that they will be re-engaged. Assuming that you did all your due diligence before you hired them — checked past work, got references, evaluated reviews, spoke with them to see if they were a good fit — how can you tell if they are a solid provider who wants you to succeed?
They meet deadlines. Have you provided all the resources they need in a timely fashion? If yes, then so should they. If they are not able to meet a deadline, they should inform you and let you know why. It happens. It’s normal. You might want them to provide good work a little late, as opposed to slap-dash work on time. But you definitely don’t want to be chasing them down to find out where the work is and why they’re not returning your calls.
They provide progress reports and updates even when you haven’t asked for them.
They admit it if they make a mistake, and may even bring it to your attention. They also tell you how they corrected it, and how they’re re-engineering keep it from happening again. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s human. But covering up, denying, or blaming others for a mistake is not a good sign.
They don’t try to get one over on you. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell if a vendor is doing this. Especially if you are at an information disadvantage. For example, when the car mechanic tells me what is wrong with my transmission or the dentist tells me why I need a replacement filling, all I can say is “I guess.” Or get a second opinion. BUT, if a vendor seems to be doing the same thing over and over with nothing to show for it, or providing something that seems generic, easily available, or outsourced, dig a little deeper. Where did this come from? How does it work? Can the individual who created it explain it to me in detail? If you have the resources, get a second opinion.
It may be that your vendors are just not great at communicating, so don’t jump to the conclusion that they are ripping you off. In many instances, we are simply not aware how complex certain processes are, and hearing about how things are done restores our faith.
If a vendor does something obvious, such as copying an article in the first page of google results and providing it to you as their custom solution to your company’s problem (as happened to me), then it is likely that all trust is lost. And when trust is lost, the engagement is essentially over, contract or no.
They care about the results after the product/plan/strategy etc. is delivered. They ask you happened. How is the plan working? Is there something that should be tweaked? How do the other stakeholders feel about it? Do you get the feeling that not only are they hoping for more work, they genuinely care about what they have produced for you? Now, that’s a good sign.
Red. No, blue! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Twenty fun points to you, if you get that reference.
No, but seriously, designers definitely have opinions on color. Some do everything in black, with hits of fire-engine red. Some stick with primary colors or with pastels. Some of don’t have favorite colors, but definitely do have least-favorite colors. (Mine is pink.)
Some of switch favorites with the trends, and some just never budge. I’m looking at you, purple people.
I’ve definitely gone through phases, but I will say that there are certain color combinations that I’ve always adored, and probably always will.
Brown and peach. Purple and chartreuse. Navy and white. But my all time favorite combo is charcoal gray and post-it-note yellow. I love that duo so much that I’ve got their hex codes memorized.
That’s right. Lennon and McCartney. Peanut butter and chocolate. Tom and Jerry. And #333333 and #FFFFCC.
Better together.